Surviving Your Partner

Coping with grief

UNDERSTANDING THE PROCESS

Feeling different

The last thing anyone wants to hear in the depths of grief is that what they are going through is entirely normal, that other people have felt like that before and survived.
For the bereaved, the suffering is so shocking and so different from anything else they have experienced that it feels unique. It is sometimes insulting to be told that other people know how you feel - how can they, when this is your own personal private experience that nobody has had before and that you are coping with in your own unique way?

Following a pattern

The psychological wound caused by the loss of a loved one can be compared to a severe physical wound. It is expected to hurt and it is also expected to get better, passing through the natural stages of healing as it does so.

But no one ever completely recovers. Everyone is left with a scar that changes them in some way. Part of the process of recovering is learning to live with this scar and with the fact that there will always be days when it aches.

Some people have likened the experience to losing a limb. Eventually the wound heals over and the victim learns to manage life without the missing part but there is always the sensation that it should be there. They are always aware that once they had the limb that has now gone for ever.

A SUMMARY OF 'COPING WITH GRIEF'

1. Grief follows a set pattern but everyone experiences this differently.
2. Grieving people need to be able to express their emotions.
3. People often bottle up their grief for the sake of those around them.
4. Grieving people should recognise their own needs as well as those of others.
5. People often reach unexpected turning points in their recovery from their loss.
6. People who get stuck in the grieving process may benefit from professional counselling.

DISCUSSION POINTS OF 'COPING WITH GRIEF'

The discussion points at the end of each chapter aim to help you to relate the subject matter to your own circumstances. Suggested ways of approaching the issues are given in a separate section at the end of the book.

1. How could you help a friend who is grieving for their partner?
2. What could you do if you suspect that a member of your family is bottling up grief in order not to upset you?
3. Could you plan the turning point in the recovery of a friend?
4. How would you persuade a friend or family member to ask for the help of a bereavement counsellor?

Please note: These are extracts taken from the book, 'Surviving Your Partner'. If you would like to buy the book please click here